Dylan's True Love
by Zeus on the Loose
Summary: Dylan has always felt something for Max, but it was all programmed. He was MADE to be her other half. What happens when Dylan falls in love without the help of mad scientists? It all started at a Juicy Beaver concert... Set after "Fang."
1. Nudge Loves Juicy Beaver

**Hello everybody! This is a story written by Zeus from Zeus on the Loose and ENia from ThunderClouds7. ENia isn't here right now, but I promise she'll show up later for some more… interesting authors' notes.**

**Disclaimer: Zeus and ENia do not own anything that James Patterson owns, 'cuz, guess what? we aren't James Patterson. We do own Juicy Beaver. **

**Also: Any similarities between our characters and real life people are coincidental. These characters are purely fictional. **

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Nudge's POV:

I plopped down at the kitchen table next to Max. Trying to keep the excitement out of my voice I said, "Hey Max."

"Hey," Max said, her face down on her arms and her eyes closed. She's _still_ moping about Fang. It's been over a year. She should totally be over him by mow. I mean, I've never had a crush on a boy for longer than two days. Except one very special boy. JUICY BEAVER! I've been totally in love with him for almost THREE weeks. Of course, the only problem is that Juicy doesn't know that I exist. I mean, he's a rock star, and I'm just your average mutant bird-kid. Which is exactly why I _need_ to go to Juicy Beaver's concert in Rhode Island next Tuesday. I've even figured out how to hack into a few computers to get backstage passes. It'll be perfect… if Max let's me go.

"I was wondering… are we busy next Tuesday?" I asked nonchalantly, glancing sidelong at Max.

"Why?" she groaned.

"Well… there's a Juicy Beaver concert in Rhode Island, and Angel and I REALLY want to go! Juicy is like totally the hottest guy that there ever was, and he sings so awesomely. I really wanna touch his hair! It's so extremely flippy. I've heard he has _abs_! But I'm so sad 'cuz there's a video of him on YouNoob kissing some punk rocker chick. I hate her. I do. So can I please go?"

"Whatever Nudge," Max said shaking her head.

"Oh thank you sooooo soooooo much, Max! You're the best! Oh, there's so much stuff I gotta do! I gotta go shopping and get a really cute dress, and I should have my nails and hair done professionally. Ooooh! And I'm gonna memorize every single Juicy Beaver song there ever was, so I can sing along with him at the concert. But first I should get the tickets!"

"Nudge, I really don't care," Max said, putting her head back down. Party pooper. I went to find Angel. She'd be exited.

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**R&R!**


	2. Dylan Saves Max's Life

**Disclaimer: We don't own Maximum Ride. But who thought we did? Because they would be dumb.**

**Also: Any similarities between our characters and real life people are coincidental. These characters are purely fictional. **

**Zeus: Welcome to another chapie!**

**ENia: What's a chapie?**

**Zeus: A chapter, duh!**

**ENia: Why not just say 'chapter?' Why 'chapie?'**

**Zeus: It's two letters shorter, duh!**

**ENia: Key word… two.**

**Zeus: Yeah!**

**ENia: …Nevermind. Let's just start the CHAPTER.**

**Smart Kid: One.**

**Zeus: What?**

**Smart Kid: ONE letter shorter. C-h-a-p-i-e = 6. C-h-a-p-t-e-r = 7.**

**Zeus: What evs! So I suck at math! Shoot me! 'Sides, "chapie" is my **_**thing**_**! Adrian agrees with me that "chapie" is cool!**

**adrian: no I don't**

**Zeus: You suck.**

**ENia: Let's get on with the freakin' chapter!**

* * *

Nudge's POV:

I bounded into the living room where Discovery Channel was blaring at top volume. I stepped in front of the TV to get Angel's attention.

"Hey!" she hollered. "You made me miss the best part! The tiger was gonna bite that dude's head off!"

"Too bad," I told her. "I've got something even better for you!"

"What?" Angel asked grumpily, plainly still upset that I'd interrupted her show.

I paused dramatically for effect. "Well… Max said she'd take us to the Juicy Beaver concert! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" I squealed.

Angel instantly forgot about her man-eating-tiger show, and joined me in jumping around the room like mentally unstable kangaroos.

"OMG! I can't wait! ! I'm so excited! Tieiskdlfiosdopseriof!" Angel yelled. "Let's go get ready!"

"The concert's in a week, Angel," I said, bursting her bubble.

(sad Angel)

Angel and I could hardly stay in our seats during dinner.

"I can't wait! Max is gonna take us to the Juicy Beaver concert! Max is the best! I love you, Max! I'm so excited!" Angel freaked.

"Wait," said Max. "I _said _you could go. I never said I'd take you." Angel's face dropped like a meatball falling from the sky in that book, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.

"But we need someone to take us! We're not old enough to go by ourselves!" I argued.

"Get Iggy to take you!" Max moaned. Our heads snapped towards Iggy.

"Please, Ig! Pretty pretty pretty please? With sugar on top!" Angel and I pleaded.

"Whaaa…? No! I'm not taking some little girls to a Juicy Beaver concert. Everyone'll think I'm gay! And with my luck, I'd be broadcast across the country on TV, and all the newspaper headlines would be like 'Gay Bird-Boy Loves Juicy Beaver.' No thank you," Iggy protested. I glared at him.

"I'll take you."

"Whaaa…?" It was my turn to be surprised. Dylan was looking right at me.

"I said I'll take you," he repeated calmly. I don't understand why Max can't stand him. Dylan is, like, almost as gorgeous as Juicy Beaver. If Juicy won't have me, I'll take Dylan.

"Oh, thank you soooooo much Dylan. You ROCK! You're the best! I love you soooo much!" Angel exclaimed. Akward turtle! I love turtles! They're _so_ cute! And they have such hard shells. Maybe they're bullet-proof! ZOMG! I'd die to have a bullet-proof turtle shell!

**That'd be super cool to have a bullet-proof turtle. ~ENia**

Anyways… back to the story.

Max threw Dylan a grateful look. "You just saved my life," she said, and pushed back her chair, leaving the room. Dylan looked very pleased with himself.

* * *

**ENia: What are condominiums?**

**Zeus: I don't know.**

**ENia: Are they like mini condos?**

**Zeus: Or like condoms? They could be, like, mini condoms!**

**ENia: *bursts out laughing***

**Zeus: For, like, really small men.**

**ENia: *can't talk, laughing too hard***

**Zeus: Hmmm…**

**R&R? And "chapie" or "chapter?" Come on, people, you know "chapie" is cooler...**


	3. Goin' to a Juicy Beaver Concert

**Disclaimer: We don't own Maximum Ride… yada…yada…*yawn*…yada. DUH!**

**Also: Any similarities between our characters and real life people are coincidental. These characters are purely fictional. **

**ENia: What kind of parents name their child "Juicy?"**

**Zeus: Actually his name is J.C., but Juicy is his stage name.**

**Enia: What does J.C. stand for? Juicy Carrots?**

**Zeus: Ummmm… Yes?**

**ENia: WHAT? His parents were **_**messed up**_**.**

**Zeus: Yeah… I don't know. In the words of my friend Toby, "What were his parents on?"**

**ENia: LSD? Meth? Ecstasy? Heroin? Weed? Prescription meds?**

**Zeus: Yeah…**

**ENia: I feel bad for him.**

**Zeus: Poor Juicy Carrots Beaver :(**

**On to the CHAPIE!**

* * *

Nudge's POV:

I pulled on my new slinky turquoise dress. It's so amazing and I look totally HAWT in it. I then pulled on my skinny jeans over the dress so Max wouldn't see how short it is. If she did, she'd probably kill me. But short is in.

I walked out into the kitchen where Angel and Dylan were waiting. Angel was wearing a soft pink shirt and a black jean skirt, and Dylan had a simple tee and jeans on.

"Okay. Are we ready to go?" I asked, a huge smile lighting up my face.

"Yep," Dylan said with a grin.

It was a nice flight, except that my flip-flops kept threatening to fall off. It didn't take long to reach the concert; we weren't stationed that far away.

We touched down behind some mulberry bushes, which look more like trees, so I'm not sure why they call them mulberry _bushes_. Well anyways…

We saw they giant line of people inching slowly towards the stadium, and I was like, "Ughhhh… we have to wait in line!"

We passed the time in the line chatting to the girls next to us about Juicy Beaver's hair. It's so perfect and unmovable. It seems like it has a life of its own! We are so gonna get married, me and Juicy. He just doesn't know it yet.

* * *

**Sorry it's so short...**

**R&R? Chapie or Chapter?**


	4. Juicy is a WHAT?

**Disclaimer: We ain't rich, we ain't a man, and we ain't famous. Therefore, we can't possibly be James Patterson.**

**Also: Any similarities between our characters and real life people are coincidental. These characters are purely fictional. **

**Zeus: We are currently on a bus full of sweaty orch-dorks.**

**ENia: I just heard someone yell that Joe is pregnant. We're pretty sure he isn't actually, but who knows.**

**Zeus: Oh. And Scott found an air dart somewhere and is attempting to stick it on his face.**

**ENia: What? Where?**

**Zeus: He stopped now. Now Kerry is "braiding" Emma's hair. It doesn't look great.**

**ENia: Yes. (Zeus just snorted). Heyo, is tomorrow your actual b-day?**

**Zeus: Nope. The 19****th**** of March is. So all you readers out there, feel free to wish me a happy birthday!**

**ENia: Not that anyone is reading this…**

**Zeus: Of course they are! It's wonderful! Now onto the story…**

**ENia: Right!**

* * *

Nudge's POV:

We got into the stadium and the concert was about to start. The lights dimmed…

And Juicy Beaver walked out onto stage. I screamed, along with all the other girls there. And Dylan.

Dylan's POV:

When Juicy Beaver came out, I screamed. I forgot all my programmed love for Max, and knew that he was the one for me. **(said with a British accent, 'cuz that's cool.)**

"Hello, world," Juicy said, and my mouth dropped open. His voice. It was like a thousand angels singing. Not Angels, _angels_. Because Angel can't sing worth crap.

Ode to Juicy Beaver

Your hair is so strange,

Like a hurricane,

It's got a life of its own,

Like a bowl.

Your voice is so beautiful,

Like cats screeching in pain,

And whenever I hear you,

I think you're a girl.

But I love you, Juicy,

I love you so much!

And I don't know,

How to end this poem,

So, The End.

The Juicy Beaver concert was the highlight of both of the two years that I've been in existence. Backstage was even better.

Nudge's POV:

I don't know what had gotten into Dylan, but nothing he could do would keep me from going backstage to meet Juicy Beaver. I mean, I had to hack, like, four computers to get those passes.

Dylan seemed pretty much shell-shocked, but Angel and I pulled him along. Shell-shocked. Hmm. That sounds like a turtle with a shockingly beautiful shell. If I was a turtle, I'd have a bright pink shell with sparkles. Oh, and it'd be bullet-proof.

Well, we dragged Dylan backstage, and I saw him. Like, up close. Juicy Beaver. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh… He's even more gorgeous than I thought he'd be. And that's sayin' something.

"Hello. What're your names?" Juicy asked. I was so happy, I could burst. Juicy. Beaver. Was. Talking. To. ME!

"I'm Angel."

"I'm Nudge," I said with a shy smile.

"My name is Dylan," Dylan said, staring at Juicy, who was staring right back.

Juicy's POV:

The boy. Dylan. He was perfect. His hair was almost as immoveable as mine. His eyes were like the water in the toilet after you pee in it, and then put that blue cleaning stuff in.

I knew then that I couldn't keep up this masquerade. So I said it. What nobody knew except my mother, who still gives me a bubble-bath every night if I'm good.

"Dylan. I'm a hermaphrodite. Can you still accept me?" I said from the bottom of my heart. His mouth dropped open.

"What's a …" the little blonde girl started. "Oh."

"What is it, Angel?" hissed the black girl. The little blonde one whispered something to her, and the black girl stared at me in horror. It was frankly quite uncomfortable.

"It's okay," GORGEOUS Dylan said. My heart leapt for joy. "I have a secret, too." And he unfurled his… wings?

"You're an angel!" I breathed. No wonder he was so perfect.

"No. Actually I'm a mutant bird-kid," Dylan said sexily.

"Okaaaaaaaaaaay…," I said. "So you can accept me?"

"Of course! Juicy. I think I'm bi. But that's perfect, because that way, I can be in love with both parts of you!" Dylan yelled. The two little girls looked totally awestruck.

"Whaaaa…?"

"Dylan? What about Max?"

"Who's Max?" I asked, suddenly jealous.

"Dylan is in love with her!" the black girl exclaimed.

"Is this true?" I turned to Dylan, but I got an answer from the small blonde girl, Angel.

"No. Dylan was programmed to be Max's other half, and to be in love with her, but he's broken out. He loves_ you_."

I looked at Dylan, who nodded. "She can read minds," he said.

"Oh," I muttered, suddenly very conscious of what I'd been thinking.

'_It's all right_,' Angel's voice spoke in my head. '_I don't pry into private affairs_.' All that did was convince me that she had been listening to my thoughts.

Nudge's POV:

Can you believe it? Juicy Beaver is a he-she! He-she! He's a girl-boy. He-she's got BOTH PARTS!

Angel's POV:

It was love at first sight for them…

Dylan's POV:

I know now that I was utterly in love with Juicy Beaver, the pop sensation. I love him-her all the way from his-her immoveable hair to his-her left pinkie toe that got smashed in an accident with a purple tractor. **(I love references! ~ENia)**

Anyways…

After that awkward bit of explanation about Angel's mind-reading powers, Juicy's manager started yelling for him-her.

"I gotta go," he-she said with a sheepish smile. I nodded.

"See ya later?" I asked.

He grinned. " Meet me where the sun never sets in summer," he-she said in a singsong voice. Then he-she left. Just like that.

I turned to Nudge. " What does he-she mean?"

"It's in one of his, sorry his-her songs. Where the Sun Never Sets in Summer."

**

* * *

**

Like most of you know, spring break has begun, and ENia and I won't get a chance to write together until spring break is over, so this is all you guys are getting until at least March 21

**st****. Sorry.**

**We're planning on doing two more chapters, for a total of six. Hope you're enjoying our story!**

**R&R? We don't appreciate haters.**


	5. Dylan Searches for Juicy

**Disclaimer: We are way too perverted and weird to be James Patterson.**

**Also: Any similarities between our characters and real life people are coincidental. These characters are purely fictional. **

**Zeus: She's green.**

**ENia: …**

**Zeus: Soooo… onto the story?**

**ENia: NIGHT OF THE LIVING TREKKIES! Good book.**

**Zeus: Yes, that's all very nice, but we should get on with the story.**

**ENia: Fine, Buzzkill.**

**Zeus: *to readers* ENia wrote this ENITIRE chapter, so it's not my fault.**

**ENia: Hey!**

**Zeus: It's true.**

* * *

Dylan's POV

I burst into the kitchen where Iggy was cooking dinner and Max was sprawled on a chair, asleep.

"I must know!" I yelled. "Where does the sun never set in summer!"

Max started and fell off of her chair. "Where's the fire?"

"Where? Where Where Where!"

"Where what! Max yelled to shut me up.

"Where does the sun never set in summer?"

"Africa?" she guessed, and I was back out the door in an instant.

*Flash to Africa*

Hooves thundered on the dry desert as I ran screaming across it.

*Flash back home*

I slouched back into the house, covered in dust, scrapes, and camel poo.

"What happened?" Gazzy asked.

"He wasn't there!" I moaned.

"Who wasn't where?" Iggy asked. Nudge explained my situation to him as I flopped down on the couch in despair.

"Try the Caribbean," Nudge said, " 'cause it's all so warm and sunny there!"

"To the Caribbean!" I exclaimed.

*To the Caribbean*

"AUGHHHH! GIANT SQUID! Oooh! And a cute little pink turtle. Awen't you too coote! Yesh you awAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I wandered back to the house, soaking wet. They told me to try Iowa. I went. I was standing in a corn field, looking around, when suddenly, I heard a low rumbling sound. I looked around. Coming towards me was a tractor. It was purple, and there was a chicken driving it. What the hell? Oh my God! This must be where Juicy got his toe smashed! Squeeeeee! Then the tractor was barreling down on me and I had to sprint away. My toe got smashed. Now we match!

I limped back into the house.

Max yelled, "Dylan, we found it! It's the North Pole!"

"Got it!"

* * *

Max's POV

"Finally, he's gone,"I said when he was gone. (Sorta redundant, but that's me.)

"He can go play with Santa and his penguins!" Angel squealed.

"Santa doesn't have penguins," Gazzy told her.

"What_ever_!"

* * *

Dylan's POV

When I got there, he-she was right there, waiting for me. We skipped towards each other, arms flung wide…

* * *

**ENia: Awww! It's so cute!**

**Zeus: Yeah... sure.**

**ENia: Heh heh heh. References.**

**Zeus: Yay. See ya in the next chapie, peeps!**

**ENia: CHAPTER!**

**Zeus: Whatevs.**

**ENia: I knew you were going to say that.**

**Zeus: So, you people should tell us whether "chapie" or "chapter" is cooler. *coughcoughchapiecough***

**ENia: I HEARD THAT!**


	6. A Letter to End All Letters

**Disclaimer: Have a happy birthday! Oh, wait. This is a disclaimer. Not a birthday card. Right. Starting again. ENia and Zeus do NOT own Maximum Ride or basically anything else. Yep. We are dirt poor. It doesn't help that we are dirt cheap, and avoid the mall at all costs. Shopping is SO boring… stop whining!**

**Also: Any similarities between our characters and real life people are coincidental. These characters are purely fictional.**

**ENia: LAST CHAPTER!**

**Zeus: Chapie, you mean.**

**ENia: No, chapter, you fool.**

**Zeus: ChaPIE.**

**ENia: Chap**_**ter**_**.**

**Zeus: CHAPIE!**

**ENia: CHAPTER!**

**Zeus: CHAPIE!**

**ENia: EIF EKJKDFKOE F KGD KOFKGD S KG FDHSE RIO!**

**Zeus: K, then…**

* * *

Max's POV

I stretched my arms over my head in a humungous yawn as I stumbled towards the mailbox. I checked it every morning for reasons I can't fathom. I mean, the only letters we ever get are from people trying to sell us junk and the government warning us that if we didn't pay for our air conditioning and electricity, they'd send in a S.W.A.T. team or something. Even Dr. Martinez, my mom, only ever sends us email. Call me old fashioned, but I like to be able to actually_ hold_ my mail.

So imagine my surprise when I find, among all of the junk mail, a letter addressed in messy handwriting to Max, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel. I pulled out the letter inside, letting the rest of the mail drop to the pavement.

It read:

Greetings my ex-flock,

This is your faithful Dylan. Unfortunately for you, I have decided to remain with the love of my life, Juicy Beaver, so I will never see you again. I have found that I cannot exist without him-her: he-she is the cheese to my macaroni, the butter to my bread, the PB to my J. He-she is the breath of my life.

I'm sorry I had to abandon you like this, but it could not be otherwise. I feel I would be torn in two if I was not with my Juicy Beaver. We complete each other.

Juicy and I feel that we were made for each other (except, of course, that I was made for you, my dear Max. And Max, you should really get over me. I know you lust for me in the dead of night.)

I extend my heartfelt apologies for leaving you in such a mournful state, but it could not be any other way. You see, Juicy and I are 100% soul mates with no added preservatives. I'm confident that you will all understand this someday when you've all grown into the lovely bird-freaks I know you will be.

Do not worry about me and Juicy. I found Juicy at the North Pole (thanks, Max). We are currently living with Santa Claus and his flying penguins: Larry, Curly, and Mo. (And you thought they were reindeer. Ha.) The penguins eat turtles, especially sparkly pink bullet-proof turtles, which I find a little odd, quite frankly. But you know. What ever toots their horns. Anyways, they've all been very nice to us. They're even letting us sleep in their barn and eat their low-fat yoghurt bars. (And you thought Santa went for cookies and milk. Ha.)

We are quite content here at the North Pole, even though I didn't exactly dress for the weather. It's actually very cold up here. I guess all that "global warming" pizzazz was just made up.

Soon we'll retire to Juicy's villa in Italy. I've ordered 'Rosetta Stone' tapes to help me learn Italianish. That way, I can talk to the Italianians. Do you know where Italy is? 'Cause I'm having problems locating it on a map…

This is my final goodbye to you all. I just want you to know that I'll miss you all dearly, and I'll cherish all the good times we've had together. Thank you, my friends.

Juicy's truly,

Dylan

After I finished reading that letter, I whooped louder than I've ever whooped in my life.

Needless to say, I was not pleased when I discovered that the property next to our Q-shaped house (What's with the letter-shaped houses, people?) was sold to the Juicy Beaver estate as a "summer home."

* * *

**Zeus: So that's the end. Did you like it?**

**ENia: Who are you talking to?**

**Zeus: Our readers!**

**ENia: What readers?**

**Zeus: We **_**so**_** have readers!**

**ENia: One.**

**Zeus: Ewww. Twilight!**

**ENia: That comes from a lunch convo for those of you reading this. Zeus got distracted.**

**Zeus: So you admit we have readers!**

**ENia: I admit to the possibility.**

**Zeus: K. See ya guys! I love you if you are reading this!**

**ENia: Even though you probably aren't! Laters! **

**R&R! Especially if you're not reading it. Then you might be living in a different dimension and it would be LEGIT to talk to someone who isn't really talking to us. Also, feel free to ask us questions! I think ENia actually checks her email, so you should PM her. She be ThunderClouds7.**


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